Why are there so few happily married couples?

It's nice to finally see some positive answers/questions/replies in the Marriage/Divorce category. Lately it seems there aren't any solid relationships anymore. Congratulations to the ones who've survived - and to the ones who didn't make it - I'm sorry - but you scare the crud outta me about ever getting married! I finally found a great guy - by far the greatest guy I've ever met. We talk about the future like marriage is inevitable, but lately it seems like all I see and hear is negativity about marriage. Is there anyone happy out there? If you're willing - can I have your brief, personal love story? I'm a sucker for a happy ending.... and want to believe they still exist.Why are there so few happily married couples?
Well, I am working on mine... will be 6 years in Dec. We've had our ups and downs... but we're still here day in and day out. Marriage is difficult, but the things we work the hardest for have the greatest rewards.... If you want a true love story, you need to go read a book, BUT... if you want a positive, here is a few...





My parents, married 27 years and still act like its their honeymoon. Yes, they have their different opinions, yes they even have fights here and there... But at the end of the day, my Dad takes my Mom and dances in the kitchen with her. My Mom makes my Dad anything his heart could want and he still brings her flowers and such for no reason. (Thats a true love story to me, to see that they are human, and yet so far in love that the differences are not a big deal)





My Grandparents... My Grandfather passed away a few years ago, but my Grandma still celebrates their anniversarry as if he was still here. I still see the love for him in her eyes.





My husband's Grandparents... They just celebrated 50 years together. They went with the whole family on a cruise this summer. From what I am told it was really nice. They take care of one another and are very sweet to each other... 50 years and still going.





I hope to be that way with my husband. So let me tell you, YES its hard, but living with anyone is hard. Even if you tried to live with your best friend who is like your sister... Give it a few weeks and you're going to be driving eachother nuts. As for marriage. The best advice I can give is to lean on your husband, where as another man will become that ';I wouldn't do that'; man. Never take it personal. Everyone has a rough day and we all get irritated. Bite your tongue, or tell them you'll talk to them in about an hour when they have had the time to unwind. Have open communication, always. Keep it fresh and always date, no matter if your 20 or 80. I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope you can see 50 years with the man who becomes that man of your dreams!Why are there so few happily married couples?
Marriage is what you make of it and if you don't care enough to put the effort in it that it requires to maintain then your doomed.





I see a lot of people on here that really don't seem to care too much about it one way or another.
Its funny to me, to see this ? posted, considering I was just telling myself how little you see positive stories/comments about marriage. I keep telling myself how sad it is to sign in and find so many ?s asking about a divorce, ?s asking if bf/gf is cheating, or telling a story how they were cheated on or considering to cheat on their significant other. I too, am a sucker for happy endings, especially considering the stories are rare or just far in between.





Most reasons a marriage may fail is due to several reasons, I'm sure, but here are some reasons that I feel play a big role. 1.)Immaturity-to make the decision to get married or in ones behavior and/or attitude that prevents growth in the marriage.


2.)Lack of Acceptance-spouse doesn't accept spouse for who they are....INCLUDING flaws....causing one to try to ';change'; the others ways.


3.)Settlement-one settles for another for various reasons... feeling lonely, low self esteem, age, single parenting, ect.


4.)Premature love-one rushes into marriage before investing time to create certainty.


5.)Lack of knowledge-one or both parties lack knowledge of or lack the utilization of one or more necessity factors from the formula to a successful marriage. (some previously listed in #1-4) (I.E.-open/effective communication, trust/honesty, compromise/sacrifice, quality time, ect...)


6.)Lack of Strength-most look for the easy way out...divorce, verses making or finding the strength to work it out.


7.)Lack of Spirituality-no healthy relationship w/God=no healthy relationship w/no one, including self! Find God, then find one's self, then able to find others...family, friends, or even lovers. J.O.Y.=J-esus 1st, O-thers 2nd, Y-ourself last!!





Don't get me wrong, I ain't perfect and I don't know all. BUT, from personal experience, I learned alot along the way. I.E.... I was 17 when I first married...refers to reason#1. I was too immature to make such a big decision and too immature to keep it strong and growing. We had our daughter together, also when I was 17, making a big change in my life. I started to look at things differently... more maturely in my eyes, and yet my husband was still doing what I considered selfish towards the family, and still immature things. I found my self constantly wanting him to change his ways...I could not accept him and his flaws. We separated when our daughter was 1 and 1/2 and eventually divorced at age 21. This reflects reason #2. I was ok with my decision considering I did what was in the best interest for my daughter, however, I found my self jumping in and out of ';relationships';. In them cuz I just wanted to have a complete family and out of them cuz the men turned into jerks....I was looking in all the wrong places, and looking for all the wrong reasons....this blew up my face leading me to realize reasons#3 and #4. Then I realized that I had to figure out what was missing in those relationships that they went sour, cuz they all ended the same. This is how I came to create a self-formula of what factors I felt would keep a relationship strong and growing....I previously listed some factors in the beginning. I generated this formula based on reasons my relationships failed, qualities that I'm looking for in a significant other, and just common sense! So, now this brings us to the 5th reason. Now, even though I knew what it took for a successful relationship, based on my formulary, I still was unsuccessful with finding Mr.Right. After a self evaluation, I come to find it was due to my inpatience. Relationships are consistant hard work and when things got hard I was looking for the easy way for less stress. I just reached reason#6...I had lack of strength and motivataion to keep the relationship going....leaving was much easier. (They couldn't stress me out, if I left them.) Then I found my self alone...by choice though. I, once again, put thought into this whole relationship theory. I have 2 kids involved at this point and all decisions made are critical, considering it will effect my daughters. I realized and learned everything starting from reason#1-6. I still just couldn't figure why I couldn't find Mr.Right. I gave up my search, I left it in Gods hands to have Mr.Right find me. I didn't learn about reason#7 until recently. This leads me to my happy ending...





Out of the clear blue sky, I found Mr.Right. When we met we started to go to Church together, then went through premarrital counseling...w/our pastor. Now, I reached reason#7, cuz every since I met him and we asked God into our hearts, we been doing really good. We still go through normal everyday struggles that life throws at us, and we even argue, but he is everything that I've been searching for, as me for him as well. He is not perfect, as I'm not either....However, we are perfect for each other. The love is there, the love is strong, and we consistantly and routinely work to make our own happiness. So, after a little self evaluation and trusting in the Lord I now found my happy, healthy and growing relationship with my husband. Not only were we blessed with each other, but I welcomed him with my 2 daughters and he welcomed us with his 3 daughters....5 girls...WOW! So, my story should be a prime example why not to be afraid...marriage is great when shared with the right one! I know you said brief story, but I couldn't resist mentioning all mentioned above. Good Luck and God Bless!!!!
Marriage can be scary. dont let other ppls delimas get you down. Ive been married to the same mann for 17 yrs. we have 2 kids and yes, im not going to lie to you, it can be extremely hard at times. you need to be open minded enough to say that your wrong, love him or her enough to say im sorry and cry when they cry. be able to listen before you talk, talk after you have listened, and think before you say something that you may regret. love with your heart, keep jealousy to a minimum.youve got to know the heart of the person you have married. they have to be your best friend. yes there are way too many divorce tragedies, but there are many happy marriages. its all in how much you want to give, if you you put your whole self into it, you will be rewarded.


youve got to know that there will be problems, its how you handle them as a whole with your partner that makes it work or fall through the cracks. dont let anyone scare you. You make it what it is.
pre-martial sex
Hey, call me a sucker but i'm a guy and it does seem like the future is getting depressing. I'm in the same sort of relationship, we are both freshmen in college (at different schools) but i'd marry her in a second if i knew we would work out. I know it seems young, and it is, so obviously i'm going to wait, but marriage is like a second job. Everyone gets aggravated by their spouse at some point and its work to keep it going. Some people i guess just don't want to put in the extra effort.
My husband made a giant chalkboard and hung it in the kichen for the grandchild a few years ago. We use it to leave love notes to each other everyday. Before the board we left them on paper. We talk everyday about our day, we share in several interests. The list goes on and on but long story short we are involved in each others lives. So many of our friends went their seperate ways early in the marriage and then had nothing in common when the kids grew up and left home. Marriage is hard work but well worth it...
People marry for all the wrong reasons. They are to young. They are seeking an impossible dream.
You know, a lot of people are very happily married, but they're living their lives, they aren't on Y!A Marriage and Divorce section complaining about how horrible their spouse is...if you watch Jerry Springer long enough, you think everyone is cheating trailer trash...but most people just aren't like that. My finace's parents have been married over 40 years, and his mother still lights right up whenever her husband walks in the room...they really love each other. I would never advise anyone to marry someone just for the sake of getting married. You don't marry someone for any reason other than the person is your favorite person in the world and you just don't want to share your life with anyone else....I think people end up divorced when they marry because they're at that age, they feel pressured by family and friends, they want to escape their parents home, they're looking for financial security or the person is ';good enough';...good enough just never really is.
People forget that they still have to make an effort and work hard at their relationship, they think that marriage means their relationship is perfect, but it takes constant work and effort to keep the marriage fresh and alive. People get bogged down in the day to day mundane things in life and then when someone else shows a little spark of interest in them they find it hard to resist and hard not to compare them to the partner they now have who may no longer pay them the attention they need and deserve. If people kept working hard at being good to each other and were really honest and open with each other then I think more marriages would survive.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
鈾?It may seem that more and more married couples are unhappy.... and in a sense this is true. Many people either get married or stay married for the absolute wrong reasons such as [[pregnancy, kids, stature in community, dont want to go through divorce process, etc.]] Marriage is like a baby... it needs love, care, nourishing, etc to survive %26amp; thrive in this world to day. Communication is key in any relationship, especially in marrige! :-) It's always nice to hear about other people's love story, but if I were you... just be happy [[as you said you are]] and make your own love story %26amp; own ending! :-) Good Luck!





PS~ I'm not married [[Im only 19, but I am in an LTR]]
even when people's relationships end in tragedy, it doesnt mean that you wont have your happy ending... its just up to the both of you to work out the relationship and make it last... dont lose hope... my mom and my dad have been separated for 14 years due to my dads work but now they are together and still so inlove... im planning on getting married soon and i wont let the others failed marriages to scare me coz i do believe that its in your hands that you can make a relationship work. good luck. be positive.
I'm very happily married. I was with my husband for six years before he proposed and I thought it was never going to come. It was worth the wait, let me tell! We spent our first year of marriage apart (he was working on a project in another city) and it was incredibly tough, but we made it and are happier then ever.





I think there are several reasons there are a lot of negative stories on here. Some of them probably aren't really true and it's people thinking they are funny or being mean. Others are true and people just want to vent. It's a lot easier to vent to strangers when something is wrong. It's anonymous and people don't have to be as careful concerning what they say about their significant other. People don't gush to strangers when they are happy, they gush to friends and family. But venting to strangers is very liberating.





Know that happy marriages are out there and there are more than you think! They don't happen by magic, but they are well worth the time and effort! Keep the faith!
Well, the truth of the matter is, that whether your marriage survives or not, there are going to be many bumps down the road of life, and of marriage. this is a fact that you will need to accept within yourself. I mean if your looking for a fantasy type marriage, then you will fall, when the big struggles come your way, and be assured that they will eventually come your way too. You are a part of this society, are you not, and so you too, will have some struggles along the way. Marriages, and relationships are a huge struggle in today's world, and there are many ligitimate reasons for this.


I'm sorry that i cannot tell you what you really wanted to hear !


There will be many good times as well, just that it's not the way i had envisioned so many years ago, and i'm sure that you are envisioning for yourself today.
I have been married for two years to the man I met on the Internet two years and three months ago. We have had our ups and down but each usual marriage fight brings us even more closer together. The reconciliation can only be experienced. (with your man of course)The key to a happy marriage is love,tolerance and understanding. Did I mention both parties should have a forgiving heart? One more thing do not let third parties into your marriage the are the root course of every marriage that will not work out, has not worked out or or could not work out. Good luck:-)
that's b'cos people are not honest and truthful
I think there are many unhappy married couples because a lot of people don't realize how much work goes into maintaining a marriage. They assume that once you're married things will just come together. But there's actually a great deal of communication and compromise that's involved that couples look over. Also I believer pre-marriage a lot of couples rush into taking those vows. Don't underestimate the importance of courting. Something society has lost site of. Take time to get to know a person and understand that they are who they are, assuming you can change, mold, or influence someone is falling for their potential and will leave you (and most couples) unhappy.


Also, I think there are more happy couples then we give credit to, its just that those in distress are a lot more vocal. I, too, am interested in reading submissions from the happy couples!
Get to know him really well before you concider marriage, also make sure you are financially ready for this! I am recently remarried to a guy i waited 16 years for...we both have kids and we also just bought our first home together. We both work and let me tell you marriage is a good thing with the right person.If you both stand by each others side no matter what the problem is you will survive.You must respect each other and learn to do things for each other even if its something you normally would not do. I love my hubby to death and he is a terrific dad to my kids. I cant wait for him to come home after work just knowing he is there makes me feel safe. I hope your guy is a great guy too and you both end up happy together!
I feel sorry for those that have never found that person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Being married is an adjustment both have to make. Many marriage fail because one or both refuse to adjust to each others habbits or circumstances. If you are totaly commited to him and assured that he will be totally commited to you then it is a good thing. I am happy, and married. I still look at her the same way I did when we first met and wonder how I was so lucky to get such a beautiful woman to fall in love with me. We both knew it was right and we got engaged 10 days after we met on a blind date. You have to feel it in your heart that it is right. Here is some advice that I received and we both live by it.


1.12 hugs a day


2. Be your mates best friend, they are your confidant. Take up hobbies that you could do together like dancing bowling or camping. Make it something you both enjoy and not something because the other likes it.Talk to each other and express what you like and don't like and be open minded to the others habits.


3. Live within your means. Many people live together only to break up after they marry because what used to be seperate is now joined a financial burden puts lots of stress on couples.There are more happily married people than you think.


4. What is in the past stays there. Don't bring up what can't be changed. You are going into a future not trying to fix the past.
There are no happy endings. Happy marriages end with one of the people in it dying. ';To death do us part'; and all that. Every ending is a new opportunity and you have to make the best of it and move on.





There are not so ';few'; happily married couples. There are many happily married couples, they just don't make the news. The key to having a happy marriage is communication, compromise and having realistic expectations of the other person and of what marriage is.
I come here for ';entertainment';, as twisted as that may sound while i am working and I am not married. I am living with my boyfriend......we will marry eventually.........I just wanted to chime in that you can't go by ';answers'; as to the true state of mrriage today....people that are happy and content in their marriage aren't on here posting questions....its just the people with problems in their marriage mostly that are posting.
That is because what many do not understand is that marriage really means accepting the person as a lifetime companion. By companion, it doesn't mean that you have to be madly inlove forever. it just means that you understand each other completely, have learned to trust and accept everything about one another, and have agreed to go through life hand in hand and helping each other out.








To those who don't know this, they go into shock once the honeymoon stage is over. They immediately interpret this as making a mistake and therefore becoming unhappy.
Here's one happy marriage:-


got to know my guy at the age of 13, got married at 19 and happily married with 1 daughter for the past 20 yrs, we still go dating every now and then to the movies, supper, stroll at the beach etc.... like what we used to do during your dating yrs!!
I'm surprised to see no one has answered you yet. There are happy endings, You just have to find your happy ending. It's hard to be scared because we hope that this is a life long decision. And for alot it isnt.





My husband and I had met each other many of times before we actually met. My mom and his dad live across the road from each other. I had just gotten out of a three year relationship. We went on one date and I was hooked. And we still are.





I think the most important thing is to be honest and true to each other. You are going to have some tough times, but stay loving and understanding and you will get through to them. Good luck
You already have a lot of good answers posted here, so I'll just add a couple of things.





Our society today is constantly bombarded with subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) messages that bring extra challenges to married couples. Wild, abandoned sex is everywhere for the taking if you believe everything you see on TV.





A successful, happy marriage requires a constant effort by both parties. It's often been said that marriage is a 50-50 proposition, but that's not true. Marriage is a 100-100 proposition. Each partner needs to put 100% effort in.





the other two key elements are good honest communication and mutual respect.
Don't put so much into the unhappy ones. Learn from their mistakes. That is the main reason I read this site all the time. Sometimes in answering I can solve a minor dilemma of my own.





My opinion is that too many couples want to absorb each other. One life, one brain, one body. Those are the relationships that seldom last long and are a constant battle ground. There are going to be differences of opinions, differences in perspectives, differences PERIOD. Accept that and learn to compromise without sacrifice (requires communication with your partner). Don't ever assume to know what your partner wants or that your partner can read your mind.





I have 2 failed marriages and FINALLY, I learned to not take everything for granted. I learned that sometimes it doesn't have to be your way or his way. I learned that there are 3 lives involved (mine, his and together)





Marriages don't fail.... the people in them do.
OK, I'm not going to get a thumbs up on this one but.... you know why married men die first? Because they want to! Sorry, I can resist anything but temptation.